PA Coalition for World Class Math

                     Math Jokes (Please Scroll Down for More Math Humor)

                                                                                               Don't forget to visit pants-me.com to find the perfect pair of jeans.

 You've got three cups of coffee and 14 sugar cubes. Without breaking any individual cubes in pieces, how do you split   these cubes up so that you have an odd amount in each cup?

Give up?

1, 1, and 12

(But, Melissa, 12 isn't an odd number!)

 Don't ya think it's kinda odd to put 12 sugar cubes in one cup of coffee?

 Explain the graph
http://www.buzzodd.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/15-e1405797117855.jpg
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
 

A mathematician wandered home at 3 AM. Her husband became very upset, telling her, "You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!"

The mathematician replied, "I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve."

Matrix Transform


 Biologists think they are biochemists,

Biochemists think they are physical chemists,

Physical chemists think they are physicists,

Physicists think they are gods,                     

And God thinks she is a mathematician.

  

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

 A mathematician organizes a lottery in which

the prize is an infinite amount of money. When

the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner

comes to claim his prize, the mathematician

explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now,

1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."

How many times can you subtract

7 from 83 and how much will you have

left over?

I can subtract it as many times as I

want, and I will always have 76 left.

 
      Q: What will a logician choose: a half of an egg or eternal bliss in the afterlife? A: A half of an egg! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and a half of an egg is better than nothing.  

A stats major was completely hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers. The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours as he was flipping the coin, writing the answer, flipping the coin, writing the answer. At the end of the two hours, everyone else had left the final except for the one student. The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the student, saying: "Listen, I have seen that you did not study for this statistics test, you didn't even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your answer, what is taking you so long?" The student replies bitterly (as he is still flipping the coin): "Shhh! I am checking my answers!"

The Lover Guy

What is the integral of "one over cabin" with respect to "cabin"?

Answer: Natural log cabin + c = houseboat. 

 

 mathjoke  
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the heck out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
  Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." The barman pulls out just two beers. The mathematicians are all like, "That's all you're giving us? How drunk do you expect us to get on that?" The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits."
 
 What's the difference between a joke and a rhetorical question?This is the kind of language up with which I will not put.     
 Two women walked into a bar and talked about the Bechdel test.
A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.The physicist says, "The initial measurement was incorrect."The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."And the mathematician says, "If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty."
    http://www.buzzodd.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/8.jpeg      
  
 Labyrinth Puzzle
 
   
   
  
Four friends have been doing really well in their Calculus class: they have been getting top grades for their homework and on the midterm. So, when it's time for the final, they decide not to study on the weekend before, but to drive to another friend's birthday party in another city - even though the exam is scheduled for Monday morning. As it happens, they drink too much at the party, and on Monday morning, they are all hung over and oversleep. When they finally arrive on campus, the exam is already over. They go to the professor's office and offer him an explanation: "We went to our friend's birthday party, and when we were driving back home very early on Monday morning, we suddenly had a flat tire. We had no spare one, and since we were driving on backroads, it took hours until we got help." The professor nods sympathetically and says: "I see that it was not your fault. I will allow you to make up for the missed exam tomorrow morning." When they arrive early on Tuesday morning, the students are put by the professor in a large lecture hall and are seated so far apart from each other that, even if they tried, they had no chance to cheat. The exam booklets are already in place, and confidently, the students start writing. The first question - five points out of one hundred - is a simple exercise in differentiation, and all four finish it within ten minutes. When the first of them has completed the problem, he turns over the page of the exam booklet and reads on the next one: Problem 2 (95 points out of 100): Which tire went flat?

If I had a nickel for every math test I've failed, I'd have 23 cents.

 
  

   A newlywed husband is discouraged by his wife's obsession with mathematics. Afraid of being second fiddle to her profession, he finally confronts her: "Do you love math more than me?"
"Of course not, dear - I love you much more!"
Happy, although sceptical, he challenges her: "Well, then prove it!"
Pondering a bit, she responds: "Ok... Let epsilon be greater than zero..."
 

 "A molecular biologist with a PhD at University of Birmingham, in the UK, quits his lab position to become a plumber, since a plumber apparently earns twice what he currently makes (~US$42K)." True story.

The following is a joke. One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home broke down. He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before. The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked. "This is one third of my monthly salary!" he yelled. Well, he paid and then the plumber said to him:

"I understand your position as a professor. Why don't you come to our company and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply tell them that you completed only the seventh grade. They don't like educated people."

So it happened. The professor got a plumber job and his life significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.

One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber has to go to evening classes to complete the eighth grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students' knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of the circle. The person who was asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realized that he forgot the formula.

He started to reason it and soon filled the board with integrals, differentials and other advanced formulas to conclude the result that he had forgotten. As a result he got "negative pi times r squared." He didn't like the negative, so he started all over again. He got the negative sign again.

No matter how many times he tried, he always got a negative. He was frustrated. He looked a bit scared at the class and saw all the plumbers whisper:

"Switch the limits of the integral!!"

 
 
Useless
 
 Math and Religion  

 --Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

--There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

--Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math

--If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying "I differentiate you!"

One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said "I differentiate you!", but for once, his victim's expression didn't change. Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly "I differentiate you!", but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out "I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!"

The new patient calmly looked up and said, "You can differentiate me all you like: I'm e to the x."

 0! = 1 Left-Hand Limit
  
 

Man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.” The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. “973,” says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says “OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal.” Man picks one up and begins to walk away.

“Wait,” cries the shepherd, “Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.” Man says sure. “You work for a government think tank,” says the shepherd. “Amazing!” responds the man, “You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?”

“Well,” says the shepherd, “put down my dog and I will tell you.

 How they prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime?

Math Educator: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.
Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime,...
Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime,...
Programmer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime,...
Salesperson: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- we'll do for you the best we can,...
Computer Software Salesperson: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime in the next release,...
Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,...
Advertiser: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 11 is a prime,...
Lawyer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- there is not enough evidence to prove that it is not a prime,...
Accountant: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, deducing 10% tax and 5% other obligations.
Statistician: Let's try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime, 11 is a prime...
Professor: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, and the rest are left as an exercise for the student.
Computational linguist: 3 is an odd prime, 5 is an odd prime, 7 is an odd prime, 9 is a very odd prime,...
Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,...

There are two groups of people in the world:

Those who can be categorized into one of two groups of people, and those who can't.

The Flood is over and the ark has landed. Noah lets all the animals out and says, "Go forth and multiply."

A few months later, Noah decides to take a stroll and see how the animals are doing. Everywhere he looks he finds baby animals. Everyone is doing fine except for one pair of little snakes. "What's the problem?" says Noah.
"Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes.

Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, "Want to tell me how the trees helped?"

"Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, so we need logs to multiply.

Two statisticians were traveling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little later, he announced that a second engine failed, and they still had two left, but it would take 10 hours to get to New York. Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced that a third engine had died. Never fear, he announced, because the plane could fly on a single engine. However, it would now take 18 hours to get to New York. At this point, one statistician turned to the other and said, "Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'll be up here forever!"  Little Pete is officially a character now

 Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?


To get to the same side

 \sqrt{4b^2}

2b or not 2b

that is the answer.

 


The functions are sitting in a bar, chatting (how fast they go to zero at infinity etc.). Suddenly, one cries "Beware! Derivation is coming!" All immediately hide themselves under the tables, only the exponential sits calmly on the chair.

The derivation comes in, sees a function and says "Hey, you don't fear me?"
"No, I'm e to x", says the exponential self-confidently.
"Well," replies the derivation "but who says I differentiate along x?"
 
A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a photo-safari in africa. They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.

The biologist: "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle : A white zebra! It's fantastic! There are white zebras! We'll be famous!"

The statistician: "It's not significant. We only know there's one white zebra."

The mathematician: "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white on one side."

The computer scientist: "Oh, no! A special case!"


An Engineer, a Physicist, and a Mathematician are shown a pasture with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible amount of fence.   The Engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring "A circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the best solution."

The Physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of infinite radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the herd, declaring "This will give the smallest circular fence around the herd."

The Mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, "Let the area where I am standing be defined as the outside."

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants. -- Isaac Newton

In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with the giants on whose shoulders we stand.--Gerald Holton                        

If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders. -- Hal Abelson

Mathematicians stand on each others' shoulders.  -- Gauss

Mathematicians stand on each others' shoulders while computer scientists stand on each others' toes. -- Richard Hamming

It has been said that physicists stand on one another's shoulders. If this is the case, then programmers stand on one another's toes, and software engineers dig each others' graves. -- Unknown                           

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.
 

 Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of production contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as subset of set "M" and answer the following question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits?

Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990:  By cutting down beautiful forest trees, an unenlightened logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels "feel" as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers.

Teaching Math in 2002: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $60?

Teaching Math in 2010: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. The federal government bails out his firm. How much is his bonus?

 

Two mathematicians are in a restaurant, arguing about whether women can do mathematics. One is totally pessimistic, but the other disagrees.

Eventually the pessimist goes to the bathroom and while he's gone, the other brings over the waitress.  He hands her $10 and says, "When my friend comes back, I'll call you to the table, and I'll ask you a question. Just answer 'log x' and there's another $10 in it for you."

The friend returns, and the guy says, "You know, I think women DO know more math than you think. I'll bet you $100 that the waitress can integrate 1/x." Of course the other guy accepts, the waitress is brought over, and she's asked, "What is the integral of 1/x?"

She answers, "log x," then pauses, and adds, "plus an arbitrary constant." 

  It's hard to explain  puns to kleptomaniacs  because they always  take things literally.   
 

42.7%

of statistics

are made up 

 
    
 A chemist wakes up at night, and comes to the startling discovery that his room is on fire. He grabs a bucket, fills it with water, and quenches the fire. Relieved, he goes back to sleep.

A physicist wakes up at night, and comes to the startling discovery that his room is on fire. He runs to his desk and starts calculating and drawing graphs; after some minutes, he takes a bucket, fills it with exactly 8.56 liter of water, and throws it in the exactly correct trajectory to let it cover the fire. Relieved, he goes back to sleep.


A mathematician wakes up at night, and comes to the startling discovery that his room is on fire. He runs to his desk, and starts calculating, using many sheets of paper. Eventually, he writes "QED" and exclaims, "there is a solution!" Relieved, he goes back to sleep.
 
 
  It was mentioned on CNN that the new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger than the previous record.

 What is the shortest mathematicians joke?


Let epsilon be smaller than zero.

  
An engineer, a physicist and a statistician are in a hotel when a fire starts.
"Pour water on it!" cries the engineer
"No, remove the oxygen!" says the physicist.
The statistician, seeing their disagreement, frantically runs round the hotel starting fires
"What the heck are you doing?" The other two ask.
"Creating a decent sample size."
How it Works
 No Glue? No Math. Investigations Construction
 WMD's Found in Iraq 


A lecturer tells some students to learn the phone-book by heart. 


The mathematicians are baffled: `By heart? You kidding?' 
The physics-students ask: `Why?' 
The engineers sigh: `Do we have to?' 
The chemistry students ask: `Till next Monday?' 
The accounting students (scribbling): `Till tomorrow?' 
The laws students answer: `We already have.' 
The med students ask: `Should we start on the Yellow Pages?'

 

 An urban legend: (there seem to be many versions of this one floating around)

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied:"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows: "Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H =0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.

Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper."But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sq root (l / g)."

Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.

But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."

- The student was Niels Bohr, the first Dane to win the Nobel Prize for Physics 

 
 
 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 
   

 

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you and do *anything* you want."

Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do *anything* you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The boy said, "Look, I'm a graduate student. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."

An engineer and a topologist were locked in the rooms for a day with a can of food but without an opener. At the end of the day, the engineer is sitting on the floor of his room and eating from the open can: He threw it against the walls until it cracked open. In the mathematician's room, the can is still closed but the mathematician has disappeared. There are strange noises coming from inside the can... When it is opened and the mathematician crawls out. "Dang! I got a sign wrong..." 
 

  

 

A physicist and a mathematician were asked to remove two nails, one of them punched all the way into the wall, the other just half-way. The physicist just pulled out the one that was half-way in and then, after toiling some time, managed to pull out the second one. The mathematician started with the one that was all the way in the wall, since it was more interesting. After some considerable time and effort, he managed to get it out. Then he looked at the other one, and uttering the words "This can be simplified to an already solved case" punched it all the way into the wall.

How many Oxbridge dons does it take to change a light bulb?

"Change!!!??"

"How many Oxbridge students does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one; he holds in in the air and waits for the world to revolve around him.

At MIT the preceding joke is told about Harvard students. At Harvard, the students tell it about the professors...

  A lecturer tells some students to learn the phone-book by heart. 
The mathematicians are baffled: `By heart? You kidding?' 
The physics-students ask: `Why?' 
The engineers sigh: `Do we have to?' 
The chemistry students ask: `Till next Monday?' 
The accounting students (scribbling): `Till tomorrow?' 
The laws students answer: `We already have.' 
The med students ask: `Should we start on the Yellow Pages?'

An urban legend: (there seem to be many versions of this one floating around)

The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen:

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied:"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case.The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows: "Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.

"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper.

"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sq root (l / g)."

"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.

"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper."

- The student was Niels Bohr, the first Dane to win the Nobel Prize for Physics. 

 

 

 

A Cambridge student, an Oxford student, and a University of Bristol student are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their school the most. The Bristol student insists that he is the most loyal.

''This is for the University of Bristol!'' he yells, and jumps off the mountain.

Not to be out done, the Cambridge student is next to profess his love for his school. He yells, "This is for Cambridge!" and pushes the Oxford student off the mountain.

 

  
    
 
 
  
  
  FoxTrot Math is a new one credit-hour pass/fail course designed for freshmen and sophomores to learn more about teaching mathematics in middle and high school. There are no prerequisites for the course, except an interest in learning and teaching mathematics. The course draws on the humor of the popular comic strip to examine the mathematical and social contexts in which the scenes occur.

 
  

Several mathematicians are asked, "how do you put an elephant in a refrigerator?"

Real Analyst: Let ϵ>0. Then for all such ϵ, there exists a δ>0 such that

elephant2n<ϵ
for all n>δ. Therefore
limnelephant2n=0.
Since 1/2n<1/n2 for n5, by comparison, we know that
n1elephant2n
converges --- in fact, identically to elephant. As such, cut the elephant in half, put it in the fridge, and repeat.

Differential Geometer: Differentiate it and put into the refrigerator. Then integrate it in the refrigerator.

Set Theoretic Geometer: Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem to form a refrigerator with more volume.

Measure Theorist: Let E be the subset of R3 assumed by the elephant and ΦR3 be that by the fridge. First,

construct a partition e1,,ei on E for 1iN. Since μ(E)=μ(Φ), and

μ(E)=μ1iNei=1iNμ(ei),
we can just embed each partition of E in Φ with no problem.

Number Theorist: You can always squeeze a bit more in. So if, for i0. you can fit xi in, then you can fit xi+xi1 in.

You can fit a bit of the elephant 

xn for fixed n in, so just use induction on i.

Algebraist: Show that parts of it can be put into the refrigerator. Then show that the refrigerator is closed under addition.

Topologist: The elephant is compact, so it can be put into a finite collection of refrigerators. That’s usually good enough.

Linear Algebraist: Let F mean "put inside fridge". Since F is linear --- F(x+y)=F(x)+F(y) --- just put 10% of the

elephant in, showing that F(110elephant) exists. Then, by linearity, F(elephant) does too.

Affine Geometer: There exists an affine transformation F:R3R3:p⃗ Ap⃗ +q⃗  that will allow the elephant to

be put into the refrigerator. Just make sure detA so you can take the elephant back out, and 

detA>0 so you don't end up with a bloody mess.

Geometer: Create an axiomatic system in which "an elephant can be placed in a refrigerator" is an axiom.

Complex Analyst: Put the refrigerator at the origin and the elephant outside the unit circle. Then get the image under

inversion.

Fourier Analyst: Will F1[F(elephant)F(fridge)] do?

Numerical Analyst: Eh, elephant=trunk+ε, and

fridge(elephant)=fridge(trunk+ε)=fridge(trunk)+O(ε),
so just put the trunk in for a good approximation.

Probabilist: Keep trying to push it in in random ways and eventually it will fit.

Combinatorist: Discretize the elephant, partition it, and find a suitable rearrangement.

Statistician: Put its tail in the refrigerator as a sample, and say, “done!”

Logician: I know it's possible, I just can't do it.

Category Theorist: Isn't this just a special case of Yoneda's lemma?

Theoretical Computer Scientist: I can't decide.

Experimental Mathematician: I think it'd be much more interesting to get the refrigerator inside the elephant.

Set Theorist: Force it.

Phuzzy Phys Ed
The National Teachers of Phys Ed Education (NTPEE) has released its new set of guidelines in response to a new law
that takes effect next September, the NCPL (No Child Picked Last), which calls for narrowing the gap between students
who are athletic and those who are not. "Historically, kids played sports like volleyball or basketball during PE. But
research shows that kids don't really benefit from actually being physical in PE class," said Rachel Shumacher, head
PE teacher at Honor Roll For All Middle School.
 
Mrs. Shumacher demonstrated a new program called Reform PE where students actually learn the concept behind
sports rather than the sport itself. For instance, instead of learning  to dribble, pass, shoot and block in basketball,
students discuss how they feel when they watch their favorite professional basketball team play on television.
Kids who don't have a favorite NBA team can discuss the latest events on American Idol. "It's not about improving concentration or building strength or getting exercise," said Phil Brickman, superintendent of
Lower Expectations School District.
 
Brickman says, "When I was going to school, we actually had to learn the rules of a game and play that game.
What would happen is, kids who could not play would get picked last and that would hurt their feelings. In fact,
if you think about it, how many kids go on to actually use sports in their adult lives? But look at how many watch
sports on T.V. Our job is to get these kids in touch with their feelings as they watch a sport and start building that
connection now."  Shumacher has seen her students thrive in Reform PE and reports numerous Eureka moments
as kids apply the concept of sports to everyday life situations.
 
Tubby McTubster, a sixth grader in Mrs. Shumacher's class, says he has never enjoyed PE as much as he does now.
"Before, I would always get picked, like, last and everything. So, yeah. Now, I'm not picked at all. We just watch
T.V. in gym class," says McTubster.
 
Ginny Nottabatter says that finally, PE class makes sense to her. A seventh grader, Ginny struggled with every sport
and saw gym class as a humiliating and confusing experience, full of memorizing rules and learning game strategy.
"But now, I can just talk about what I feel like when I, like, watch some guy on T.V. Like, today, we like totally said
that one guy's shorts were like way too long," says an enthusiastic Ginny.
 
Parents whose children have a natural affinity for sports, or who have built athletic prowess through years of play in competitive leagues, protest the new PE program saying it leaves their higher performing kids behind. But Brickman
shrugs off their complaints as being elitist and says that schools cannot let parents decide what is right for their
children's education. "Test scores speak for themselves," says Brickman. Test results show a dramatic improvement
in scores on PE tests, with 98% scoring as proficient.  According to Brickman, the gap has narrowed dramatically
between kids who were picked first and those who were picked last.  
 
--Faith Haleem 
 

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